The Evil Atheist Bastard

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**This was a production of The Coalition Against Illegal Immigration (CAII). If you would like to participate, please go to the above link to learn more. Afterwards, email the coalition and let me know at what level you would like to participate.

The State of Our Union, From "Pass-over" Country.

Ladies and Gentlemen, esteemed comrades, loyal readers. 

I come to you this day to speak on the State of Our Union.  And it ain't pretty.  After confronting the potentially disastrous "Day Without Illegal Mexican Alien Workers," and the Annual Abu-Grab-Ass day, I can safely say that America has moved on and at the very least we are maintaining the "same ole same ole."

But as the founding fathers taught us, when government is concerned, there is no such thing as a static government.

With that in mind, I present MY State of Our Union Address.  In part one, we'll discuss THE hot-button issue of the day, Illegal Immigration.

Mayday! Mayday! America Held Hostage: Day One!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please!

The Emergency Broadcast System has been activated to alert you to an immediate emergency.  Apparently there is a massive work stoppage in the Illegal Alien community.  That's right people!  Panic!  This NATIONAL EMERGENCY is the result of 20 years of lax control of the southern border, political apathy, and criminal activity in the immigration services.

But if we stick together we can survive this emergency!

There are a few things you can do to in light of this NATIONAL EMERGENCY:

• DO NOT go out to eat at any casual or Mexican restaurant.  There are no bus-boys to clear the tables and no dish washers.  You may end up eating off a dirty plate if you go out to eat.  If you discover that a restaurant is closed due to most of the staff walking off, don't ever eat there again.

• Take some time to MOW YOUR OWN LAWN.  Yes, I know it can be a bit of a pain, but the work stoppage has resulted in lawn-care businesses being crippled and unable to maintain your lawn.  If your lawn care company wasn't able to show up today, FIRE THEM and hire a neighbor's kid or do it yourself!  Do it for America!

• Slow down in construction zones!  Because of the work stoppage there will not be anyone to hold the "Slow/Stop" sign or to do the "odd" work on construction sites.  The result is angry legitimate workers and CHAOS at the intersections!  Because of this, be sure to show some respect to the people who are actually working on this National Day of Emergency.

• If you operate a Western Union franchise, close your store immediately.  You may have a few people who are upset because they can't send money to Uncle Bob, but without the support of your local Illegal Alien friends sending their hard earned American Dollars to Mexico you will quickly find yourself bankrupt!  Don't let it happen to you!

• Stock up on canned fruits and vegetables.  Without cheap labor in the fields picking the fruits and veggies there may be a shortage of fresh food in the grocery stores.  Farms everywhere are stuck in neutral and food is rotting on the vine...

• Buy an English to Spanish dictionary and sign up for Spanish lessons!  With the flood of illegal workers walking off the job, you MAY be able to get off welfare by impersonating an Illegal Alien at the local TGI Fridays...

• With nothing better to do tonight, since they won't be at work, expect a run on Jose Cuervo, Corona Light and Limes.  If you enjoy these beverages or tasty fruits, you might want to get them before too late in the evening.

This concludes our broadcast on the Emergency Broadcast System.